I want a man as nice as my retarded dog, but one that doesn't crap on the floor.

You're fighting a battle of good and evil with your dog pimp! Your only weapon is the shimmy! There is power in the shimmy! Make him fear your shimmy! Now, goddamnit, show me your war shimmy!

I want a man as nice as my retarded dog, but one that doesn't crap on the floor.

Bad boyfriends don't disguise themselves; their girlfriends do it for them.

My family were staunch believers in physical violence, not automatic violence, and we had a Safeway around the corner, so we never really needed to kill anything.

I bought an electric-powered chain saw with a plug-in cord so if I run away fast enough, you can only chase me so far.

I've never really considered doing stand up, but I have done readings/spoken word things fairly often in which I'll just tell a bunch of stories and run off at the mouth. I'm a big tangent person.