Back then, before it became clear that democracy was best served by a drunken electorate, the bars in New York City were required to close on Election Day.

It's the easiest thing in the world to know God's will. You just wait and see what happens, and that's it.

I haven't got anything against cats. I haven't got anything against elk either, but that doesn't mean I'm going to keep one in the store so I'll have a place to hang my hat.

Asking me why I did or didn't do anything is generally pointless. How do I know? And asking me what I'll do in the future is even less rewarding.

Back then, before it became clear that democracy was best served by a drunken electorate, the bars in New York City were required to close on Election Day.

If you build a better mousetrap, Nature will build a better mouse.

Stories are like assholes. Everybody's got one and most of 'em stink.