A cat is better than you are, more honest, more graceful, smarter for her size, better coordinated, and infinitely more beautiful.

Catch a dog in your favorite chair, and he slinks away abashed. The cat will pretend incomprehension; surely you must know it's her chair?

"Exercise" is such a dirty word in my household that whenever I even think of it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

No means everything to a dog, nothing to a cat.

From talk radio to insult radio wasn't really that much of a leap.

New York City is like the appetizer table at a Jewish wedding, loaded with salt and spice and cholesterol and flavor, with a waiter holding out pleasure in his right hand and indigestion in his left. If you've got the bucks, this burg has the bangs.

To find his own salvation, a man must first find the fool locked inside himself and set it free.