One thing a person won't do when he's laughing is try to beat you up.

The reason there's a question mark on my front door is just in case I forget my address.

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

I like that kind of 'straight-faced' comedy. I like to be straight-faced and outrageous.

I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.

I'm afraid if I don't keep moving, they're going to catch me ... I am 81 years old and I want to see what's around the corner, and I don't see any reason in the world not to keep working. But I am starting to value my down time a great deal because I am realizing there might be other things to do that I am overlooking.

It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.