Today, in my career, I'm doing what I love to do. And that is, do things for the fun - do comedy. It's a pleasure to go for the laughter.
Leslie NielsenIn episodic television you'll have a good guy who's on every week and that's his show! He's the regular on it, and you're not going to be "gooder" than he is; I mean, he's the guy who's got to solve your problem! So if you're playing a good guy, you have to have a problem, and he's going to solve it for you. And the only really strong dramatic part is the heavy, because the meaner and crueler and rottener you are, the better the good guy looks when he whips ya' at the end because he always is gonna whip ya! So, the best dramatic guest shot is the heavy.
Leslie NielsenI had to weave and play around with a honey bear, you know, and I could wrestle with him a little bit, but there's no way you can even wrestle a honey bear, let alone a grizzly bear that's standing ten feet to eleven feet tall! Can you imagine? But it was fascinating to work that close to that kind of animal.
Leslie NielsenI have always loved science fiction. One of my favorite shows is 'Star Trek.' I like the trips, where it drops my mind off, because they give you a premise and all of a sudden, you say, 'Oh!' and I'm fascinated by it.
Leslie NielsenI'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?
Leslie NielsenIt doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.
Leslie NielsenIt's not really that I've been an advocate for hearing aids for a long time, it's just that I've been losing my hearing for a long time! So it's actually very important for me because I'm actually hearing impaired and I simply want to hear better!
Leslie NielsenAre you having problems hearing? If so, those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter, so don't be a punchline.
Leslie NielsenI like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.
Leslie NielsenYou know it's very difficult to be an actor, and to have people depending on you to say the right line, at the right time, and to not be able to hear your cues! I can't tell you how many times I would've had to have said What? if I didn't have my hearing aids. So my hearing aids are a life saver, and they allow me to practice my craft.
Leslie NielsenI don't think anybody can really sit down and decide that their mission in life is to make people think. I think their mission in life is to leave people alone!
Leslie NielsenI like that kind of 'straight-faced' comedy. I like to be straight-faced and outrageous.
Leslie NielsenTruth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.
Leslie NielsenThe actual distance a bad golfer is going to hit the ball with any club obviously depends on many factors, not the least of which is whether the ball was actually hit at all.
Leslie NielsenI would love to see what's going to happen with science fiction with peoples' heads, because we still have people running around in the year 2050 or 2100 or 2200 and they have incredible technology and you see the effects: laser beams and rays and beaming down and beaming up. Incredible technical things happening, but everybody is still running around jealous, fighting, whacking, cheating. There's got to be something going on! Some kind of change. I'd like to see something starting to happen in that area, with the psychology of the human being and how that changed.
Leslie NielsenI really have to keep an eye on myself, because sometimes I think I might say something important.
Leslie NielsenYes, it's true, I've been called the Laurence Olivier of spoofs. I guess that would make Laurence Olivier the Leslie Nielsen of Shakespeare.
Leslie NielsenThe reason there's a question mark on my front door is just in case I forget my address.
Leslie NielsenI've always been part of comedy. One of the things about our family was that if we were reasonably funny with each other, particularly my two brothers and myself, when my father was upset with something you'd want to make sure in some way you made him laugh. Because when he didn't laugh, you were in trouble!
Leslie NielsenThe violence or the vaudeville style of comedy is a technique all by itself. You get up there, and you are a comedian, and you're doing one thing. That is, you're going to make the audience laugh.
Leslie NielsenI'm a professional actor. If I was a plumber, I wouldn't just do my plumbing in Beverly Hills bathrooms; I'd like to install air conditioning units and a few other things.
Leslie NielsenWhen you see Charlie Chaplin, he stays funny. He doesn't become drama, and so what really seems to endure is comedy.
Leslie NielsenDoing nothing is very tough to do because you never know when you're finished. The upside is that from the moment you wake up in the morning, you're on the job.
Leslie NielsenI'm afraid if I don't keep moving, they're going to catch me ... I am 81 years old and I want to see what's around the corner, and I don't see any reason in the world not to keep working. But I am starting to value my down time a great deal because I am realizing there might be other things to do that I am overlooking.
Leslie Nielsen