It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.

One thing a person won't do when he's laughing is try to beat you up.

The violence or the vaudeville style of comedy is a technique all by itself. You get up there, and you are a comedian, and you're doing one thing. That is, you're going to make the audience laugh.

Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.

Today, in my career, I'm doing what I love to do. And that is, do things for the fun - do comedy. It's a pleasure to go for the laughter.

Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

I'm a professional actor. If I was a plumber, I wouldn't just do my plumbing in Beverly Hills bathrooms; I'd like to install air conditioning units and a few other things.