I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that.

[The Weather Channel] is the most watched cable channel in America. I'll repeat that. It is the most watched cable channel in America. They were worried about the terrorists immobilizing us, and a portion of our countrymen watch weather. 'Kay, you don't get any more immobile than that... unless you're in a goddamn coma. That means you're saying, "I'd go to the window, but it's too far." If you want to know what the weather is you go to a window and stick your hand out and if you want to know what the temperature is you drive by a bank.

The one thing I think we learned this year is that the Democrats and the Republicans are completely worthless.

If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has faith in them.

I do the same gig. I might change it a little; I might slow it down if I'm in the South. I talk fast, and they're not used to people talking that fast.

You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in one sentence, what it does... it's illegal.

Now, they say that New Zealand is beautiful and I do not know -- because after 22 hours on a plane any landmass would be beautiful.