Self-love is a big part of golf.

You're on Facebook, and these people seem to have endless lives. I don't have time to live my life, let alone tell you what I'm doing, or post a photo.

There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.

The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!

I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don't know how much older I can get.

Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.