My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.

He smiles so much, I don't think he has a central nervous system.

In New York, f*** isn't even a word. It's a comma.

Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity.

One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not. So it's hard for me to come up with things, because I don't write stuff, I don't write my act down.

How our government works... it doesn't.