My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.

Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents - doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem...

I watch some CNN and a lot of Fox, because it helps me get irritated.

I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you're eating something.

What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social skills, but there are those who end up in comedy because they don't know how to socialize. I don't want to deal with that group.

It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'

This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars.