Looking young and attractive with makeup is the next best thing to actually being young and attractive. After all, a woman only has a few years where she really is youthful, but she can wear foundation makeup til the day she dies (and even after!).

Changing schools and friends is hard on children and can often make them desperate and lonely enough to form closer ties with a sibling.

As for breaking up, once the relationship is over, you never really know what went wrong; you just feel nauseous whenever the subject comes to mind. After a plane crash there's the black box that tells the FAA what caused the crack-up. Too bad there's no black box of relationships.

As we move closer and closer to a nonsexist world, women will have an equal opportunity as men to be rejected, embarrassed, and humiliated beyond all consolation.

Major fluctuations in weight gain and loss are detrimental to your health and embarrassing to explain to your friends and family.

I will not go out with a man who wears more jewelry than me, and I'll never, ever go to bed with a guy who calls me Babe. Other than that, however, I'm real flexible.

I could be a millionaire if I knew how to make stuff and wasn't afraid of electricity.