I've had two great years, probably five good years. So I had 20 years of just kind of uncertainty and suffering and ego destruction and poverty. All these things. There's no way I'm ever going to catch up to the misery years. It's impossible... If I don't do anything dumb or I don't get a disease or something, and then I've got to five to eight years I think where it'll really be great and then it will start to degenerate like uranium, you know?

It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally.

I like all ladies of all different ages.

If you think everything you've done is great, you're probably dumb.

The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will get better.

Comedians and Feminists... are natural enemies, because stereotypically-speaking, feminists can't take a joke and... comedians can't take criticism.

I watch a lot of sports. But when I'm not working, I'm with my daughters every chance I get.