The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will get better.

If the whole country had to have the same conversation that was safe for everybody, it would be a pretty awful place to live. There wouldn't be a conversation.

Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff.

I just always loved comedy and I really wanted to be good at it. And it was heartbreaking, 'cause I started and I wasn't good at it. I was only 17-years-old, so I had a lot to learn about life in general. But I just kept on trying. I was young enough and stupid enough and I had no other choice. I had nothing else I was good at.

It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me.

What we've done with our modern food supply is absolute insanity. It's not even real any more. You used to be able to give a kid an apple and they would love it. Kids can't even taste apples any more. Apples taste like paper to kids now.

When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having a good time.