The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will get better.

Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance.

I was a nerd growing up, and I'm a little antisocial and awkward.

You know when you see a mother someplace just melting down on her kid? She's like, 'Shut up, I hate you, you're ugly!'... Any parents there are thinking, 'What did that shitty kid do to that poor woman? That poor woman. I wish I could help.'

You're a tourist in sexual perversion. I'm a prisoner there.

I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'

I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like you spend time with people you never would have chosen to spend time with, not in a million years. I spend whole days with people, I'm like, "I never would have hung out with you. I didn't choose you. Our children chose each other based on no criteria by the way. They're the same size. They don't care who they make me hang out with."