I did a show in New Jersey in the auditorium of a technical high school ... Technical high school, that's where dreams are narrowed down. We tell our children, "You can do anything you want." Their whole lives. "You can do anything!" But this place, we take kids - they're 15, they're young - and we tell them, "You can do eight things. We got it down to eight for you."

I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school.

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.

I wish I could [keep a journal]. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.

You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.'

You’ll be fine. You’re 25. Feeling [unsure] and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. take a breath. You’ll be okay. Even if you don’t feel okay all the time.

When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having a good time.