People don't talk to me on airplanes.

You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.'

You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah, but"-like somehow you think it's not going to be as good? Like, "I want to do the right thing-but it's probably kind of bland without the dolphin."

If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't.

I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad.

Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head.

To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.