You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience.

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.

I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money.

Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'.

Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance.

People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you're home.

My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn't funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny.