The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I've ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are geniuses. If they had grown up with a different group of people, they could've been performance artists at Bard College, and people would be writing papers about them.

You would never do stand-up without an audience. I mean, no one would even consider it. It's like they're the instrument you're playing.

The ability to just sit there. That's being a person.

The only road to doing good shows, is doing bad shows.

I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?'

You're a tourist in sexual perversion. I'm a prisoner there.

Here's how my brain works: It's stupidity, followed by self-hatred, and then further analysis.