Hello, my sister, Libby, also your daughter, is snogging a potato in my bed. What are you going to do about it?' Dad started yelling uncontrollably. I wonder if he is having the male menopause? If he starts growing breasts, I will definitely be running away with the Circus.

You are not ashamed of our luuurve, are you, Jas?' 'Look, shut up, people might hear.' 'What do you mean, the people who live in the telephone?

He has a song in his heart for me. I hope it is not "Shut Uppa You Face, Whatsa Matta You.

Through my curtains I can see a big yellow moon. I’m thinking of all the people in the world who will be looking at that same moon. I wonder how many of them haven’t got any eyebrows?

Love is a many trousered thing.

Your soul shines through even if you haven't got mascara on

Some things in life are not pleasant but they have to be done. For instance, German and maths.