Dad at breakfast today being very quiet. I notice he is clean shaven. I said to him, "Vati, what has happened to the little beaver that used to live on the end of your chin?

Non...I am DANCING IN MY NUDDY-PANTS!!!' And we both laughed like loons on loon tablets. I danced for ages round the house in my nuddy-pants. Also, I did this brilliant thing-I danced in the front window just for a second whilst Mr. Across the Road was drawing his curtains. He will never be sure if he saw a mirage or not. That is the kind of person I am. Not really the kind of person who goes and raises elks in Whakatane.

Look, I can't go out with you, because... because... because I'm a lesbian.

This is the first day of the rest of my life. So why is my hair sticking up like a cockerel?

Dad at breakfast today being very quiet. I notice he is clean shaven. I said to him, "Vati, what has happened to the little beaver that used to live on the end of your chin?

I don't want to be rude to the afflicted but Uncle Eddie is bald in a way which is the baldest I have ever seen.

I like the idea that I can talk to any teenage girls. You know, in a language that makes sense to them.