At that point Ms Fox came in and said, "Hello, carry on as if I am not here." Then she lay down on the floor.

I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.)

And the kittykats would have to erect scaffolding and a pulley to get him down. Mind you, I wouldn't put that past them. Sometimes when they are behind the sofa supposedly purring, I think they are drilling.

Dance of the Sugar Plum Bikey. Yes, that's got a nice ring to it.

How many times do we all have to do this? Get up, go to school, again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea?

I'm not a ice cream, i'm a human being

There he is, tall, tanned, Italian, sophisticated. So what do you do?" I said, "Er, leap on him and snog him within an inch of his life? Taking care not to strangle myself on his false beard, or disturb his banana.