There he is, tall, tanned, Italian, sophisticated. So what do you do?" I said, "Er, leap on him and snog him within an inch of his life? Taking care not to strangle myself on his false beard, or disturb his banana.

Here is another marvy glimpse into the gothic basement that I call my mind.

Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away.

You make me laugh like a loon on loon tablets!

Maybe he overreacted a bit." - "A bit? That's like Hitler saying, 'Oooh, I just meant to go for a little walk, but then I accidentally invaded Poland".

He came over and ruffled my hair, which is technically assault. I could get on the blower to ChildLine.

The fly in her argument is that when she says, 'they' will feel like lemons, we don't know who 'they' are. And 'they' might BE lemons.