Everyone is so obsessed with themselves nowadays that they have no time for me.

When uncle Eddie does his impression of 'Like a Virgin' it's like Madonna is coming out of his body!' Christ what an image.

This is the first day of the rest of my life. So why is my hair sticking up like a cockerel?

He has a song in his heart for me. I hope it is not "Shut Uppa You Face, Whatsa Matta You.

Vaisey looked like a startled earwig.

And that's when it fell off in my hand

He had everything a dream boy should have. Back, front, sides, Everything. A head.