And a secret inward voice in my head was saying (in a strange breathy voice...) Yes, yessss, I will pop round to The Blind Pig. I will 'pop' round because guess who lives at the Blind Pig? It is not a blind pig, it is Alex.

What if you were really meant to be with someone? But you kept messing about and having the Horn and so on and you lost them.

Mum said, "It is the thought that counts." And I said, "I know, which is why I am ringing the authorities right now. Anyone who thinks like she does should be locked up out of harm's way.

As I have often said, she has two styles of acting: with or without the beard.

I‘ve said it once and I will say it again, why can‘t everyone just speak English? The Americans give it a bit of a go — why can‘t other nations?

Vaisey looked like a startled earwig.

I like the idea that I can talk to any teenage girls. You know, in a language that makes sense to them.