This is the first day of the rest of my life. So why is my hair sticking up like a cockerel?

As I have often said, she has two styles of acting: with or without the beard.

Here is my recipe for a mood enhancer. Take a friend, preferably one with a really annoying fringe and outsize pants, and when she is rambling on swiftly, push her into a ditch and run away.

I don't know what's going on with Mum and Dad, but it's weird. Mum keeps asking Dad to do things and he keeps doing them Unfotunately, she hasn't said 'Hand over your money and make your way to Europe!

Jas, whatever Tom has under his trousers is between you and him.

He has a song in his heart for me. I hope it is not "Shut Uppa You Face, Whatsa Matta You.

And the kittykats would have to erect scaffolding and a pulley to get him down. Mind you, I wouldn't put that past them. Sometimes when they are behind the sofa supposedly purring, I think they are drilling.