This is the first day of the rest of my life. So why is my hair sticking up like a cockerel?

Here is my recipe for a mood enhancer. Take a friend, preferably one with a really annoying fringe and outsize pants, and when she is rambling on swiftly, push her into a ditch and run away.

Looking out of the window at the infinite sky, I prayed out, 'Dear Baby Jesus, I am sorry for my sin, even though I do not know what they are, which seems a bit unfair if it is going to be held against me. But that is your way. And I am not questioning your wisdomosity. In future, however, would it be possible for my life to be not so entirely crap? Thank you.

You are not ashamed of our luuurve, are you, Jas?' 'Look, shut up, people might hear.' 'What do you mean, the people who live in the telephone?

This soft grass suggests 'softness' to me, but also at the same time 'lying-down-ness'.

I gave my artistic laugh and also threw in some quirky language for good measure. "Lawks-a-mercy, no! I'm going to have a long bath and..." I looked shyly down. Which is pretty impressive to have done artistic laugh, quirky language and shyness all in the space of ten seconds.

I'm not a ice cream, i'm a human being