I wanted to kill her and make her eat her fringe. And her knickers.

When uncle Eddie does his impression of 'Like a Virgin' it's like Madonna is coming out of his body!' Christ what an image.

Vaisey looked like a startled earwig.

I gave my artistic laugh and also threw in some quirky language for good measure. "Lawks-a-mercy, no! I'm going to have a long bath and..." I looked shyly down. Which is pretty impressive to have done artistic laugh, quirky language and shyness all in the space of ten seconds.

The fly in her argument is that when she says, 'they' will feel like lemons, we don't know who 'they' are. And 'they' might BE lemons.

And that's when it fell off in my hand

How many times do we all have to do this? Get up, go to school, again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea?