Or if I truly gave up I could be like Wet Lindsay. When Robbie dumped her she got all pale and even wetter than normal. She was like an anoraksick. (A person who is both very thin and wears tragic anoraks.) I just made that up as a joke. Even though I am very upset I can still think of a joke.

I gave my artistic laugh and also threw in some quirky language for good measure. "Lawks-a-mercy, no! I'm going to have a long bath and..." I looked shyly down. Which is pretty impressive to have done artistic laugh, quirky language and shyness all in the space of ten seconds.

What in the name of Hitler's panties and matching bra set was she talking about?

I wanted to kill her and make her eat her fringe. And her knickers.

I could have quite literally snogged until the cows came home. And when they came home I would have shouted, "WHAT HAVE YOU COWS COME HOME FOR? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SNOGGING, YOU STUPID HERBIVORES???

I don't want to be rude to the afflicted but Uncle Eddie is bald in a way which is the baldest I have ever seen.

P.P.S. I am giving you telepathic hugs. P.P.P.S. But not in a telepathically lezzie way.