There's a lot of things I want to do. I want to learn Italian. I want to learn to play tennis better. I want to motivate the world, basically.

At the weekends I usually have around 50 kids running around in my back garden. They are all friends of my kids. I know all their names. We have barbecues, put up tents, and play soccer. I love it.

I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual.

You can’t have wasted a life you’ve barely lived.

Move it along, teenagers. The only person who gets to canoodle in my bedroom is my magnificent self.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

I realised there were no good role models for kids. Popeye eats spinach, but also smokes and hits people.