In most cases the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.

I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.

Dogs are too much to handle. I don't need anything in my house that's needier than me.

My monologues aren't always funny. They're generally thoughtful. Sometimes at different levels of aggravation. And sometimes no aggravation. But the pressure on me is not to be joke-efficient when I'm talking on this mic. And that sets the tone.

Show business is one of the few businesses that the devil will actually agree to own just a portion of your soul because he knows if you have a performer's ego you were probably working for him all along.

It's great to have people come out. I do worry, though. They know me very intimately, in a way, if they listen to my show; they know a lot about me.

Hopefully standup will become special again.