Everyone is a little bitter. We're born bitter. The personality itself is really just a very complex defense mechanism. A reaction to the first time someone said, "No you can't.

You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.'

Because we're comics and we pass each other on campus, we know of each other, and a lot of the time there's a mutual respect there.

You can't avoid pain in life. It's how you handle pain, that's what defines you.

My monologues aren't always funny. They're generally thoughtful. Sometimes at different levels of aggravation. And sometimes no aggravation. But the pressure on me is not to be joke-efficient when I'm talking on this mic. And that sets the tone.

Surveillance induced morality: relics of cultural retardation.

Art is supposed to punch you in the brain, and it's supposed to stay punched.