I was married once before, and I stopped.

I’m glad to be part of the war on sadness. I’m a part time employee of the illusion that keeps people stupid.

Let's be honest, this is a consumer based economy in America. That's all we manufacture here is need and appetite. We are the world's mouth. They make things in other countries, and they're like, 'Send it to America; they'll eat it.'

Comedy is obviously a matter of personal taste and the world always needs a clown and some people have no taste at all and any clown will do.

Buying my wife a gun sort of like me saying, ' You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise'.

I was married once before, and I stopped.

I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.