The truth is, I can’t read anything with any distance. Every book is a self-help book to me. Just having them makes me feel better.

It's great to have people come out. I do worry, though. They know me very intimately, in a way, if they listen to my show; they know a lot about me.

I'm not a narcissist, but I definitely have gotten enough explosive narcissistic shrapnel from my father. I'm sort of wired that way, but I don't feel that I'm pathological, so all I can pull from is my own existence and my knowledge.

I have a very primitive sense that if I just turn on a radio or the television, that somebody's playing that stuff for me.

When I was a young kid I loved Don Rickles, Buddy Hackett and Jackie Vernon.

You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.'

If you can't afford the good food or if you can't afford health care or if you don't have a job or if your car is dangerous because you can't get it fixed and you DIE, you just lost the game-bzzzzz-thanks for playing extreme capitalism.