Americans don't understand irony? I am an intelligent person living in the United States. My entire existence is ironic.

People who have babies tell me I will know a love that is beyond anything I can imagine, and a joy that is indescribable. Love and joy? That sounds horrifying. I have no way of knowing whether I can handle either of those. I'm much better with need and fear. They are what ground me.

Maybe depression is the most reasonable response to all the crap around us. Maybe it's the happy people who need medication.

I've become less angry and a little more humble by age and by experience and by going through the ups and downs of life.

I'm sad to see the passing of the great drug warriors. I certainly did my part in that battle and I don't regret any of it.

I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world.

In my life, I didn't get into comedy to be - I had no business model. All I wanted to do was, basically, finish becoming myself. And you stand in front of people and be seen and heard in this format. I thought it was the most practical format for me to express whatever it was I was going through. Whatever my ideas were in my evolving philosophy about life. I obviously don't sell out theaters. I'm not a household name. I'm not incredibly consistent in terms of doing the same act over and over again, and I'm definitely working out a lot of my existential issues onstage.