I think I started out okay but with AIDS came a great deal of silence about gayness and this period of lose and morning, but at the same time a kind of feeling like you wanted to get back into the closet because being gay was such a terrible thing at that point.

My inclination during sex always is to use sex toys. That's not something men are often used to.

You don't become a Republican until you lose all your baby teeth and fall down a lot and get the croup and then become angry and bitter.

I became a comedian because I didn't want to be bullied anymore. Onstage I was safe.

One of my first jobs was on a lesbian cruise. I was the ship comedian for the Lesbian Love Boat.

And if the problem [with contraception] is promiscuity, then why does the immense popularity of Viagra go unchecked? Doesn't it make more sense to leave the bullets out of the gun than to try to avoid being shot? Especially when the gun is an old musket, and you have to clean it out and tamp down gunpowder, melt down scraps of lead and pour it into a mold, wait for it to cool - only to have it take forever to finally go off?

Comedy is the only weapon I have to battle totalitarianism.