My former bullies pay extra to come backstage and meet me after shows, and I pretend not to know them in front of their friends. It is the most divine pleasure to exact the revenge of the brutalized child that resides within.

I mean, what's great about touring is that's what you do. You're in a constant state of motion and then you stop to do a show and you move onto the next city. All you have to do is do the show. That's the only responsibility that you have.

Comedy is the only weapon I have to battle totalitarianism.

People like Sean Penn, he is someone that is politically progressive and yet is still at the top of his game in the industry. So I love that he is out there just virtually shaming all the people that voted for Prop 8. He was a really great example of a straight ally, someone who used his talent and used his ability to further our cause, not just for political progressiveness but also specifically for gay marriage and specifically for Harvey Milk's entire life.

I don't like pot anymore -- I forget why.

The best tattooists are in San Francisco, and they're kind of like my family now. I'm always excited to come back to San Francisco.

Why can't all different types of women be considered beautiful? Why can't we can't we all be considered possible love interests?