Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.

Adam was the author of sin, and I wish he had taken out an international copyright on it.

When I want to read something nice, I sit down and write it myself.

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.