Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.

Steal a chicken if you get a chance, Huck, because if you don't want it, someone else does and a good deed ain't never forgotten.

Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more.

It takes a heap of sense to write good nonsense

Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money off them.

To do right is wonderful. To teach others to do right is even more wonderful--and much easier.

If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members & beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading with his shirt-tail up & the rest of his regalia in the wash.