The secret to success: find out where people are going and get there first

We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.

Always tell the truth. That way you don't have to remember what you said.

You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends

The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.

Take your mind out every now and then and dance on it. It is getting all caked up.

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.