Men think they think upon the great political questions, and they do; but they think with their party, not independently; they read its literature, but not that of the other side

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.

I will now claim - until dispossesed - that I was the first person in the world to apply the typewriter to literature. ... The early machine was full of caprices, full of defects- devilish ones. It had as many immoralities as the machine of today has virtues. After a year or two I found that it was degrading my character, so I thought I would give it to Howells. ... He took it home to Boston, and my morals began to improve, but his have never recovered.

The primary rule of business success is loyalty to your employer. That's all right as a theory. What is the matter with loyalty to yourself?

He could charm an audience an hour on a stretch without ever getting rid of an idea.

Man is the only Patriot. He sets himself apart in his own country, under his own flag, and sneers at the other nations, and keeps multitudinous uniformed assassins on hand at heavy expense to grab slices of other people's countries, and keep them from grabbing slices of his. And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for the universal brotherhood of man - with his mouth.