There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.

My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medieval, outworn, obsolete; that the modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism, is loyalty to the Nation ALL the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies.

He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.

I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.

That is the way of the scientist. He will spend thirty years in building up a mountain range of facts with the intent to prove a certain theory; then he is so happy with his achievement that as a rule he overlooks the main chief fact of all-that all his accumulation proves an entirely different thing.