Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.

I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.

The Autocrat of Russia possesses more power than any other man in the earth; but he cannot stop a sneeze.

Ah, that shows you the power of music, that magician of magician, who lifts his wand and says his mysterious word and all things real pass away and the phantoms of your mind walk before you clothed in flesh.