A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Music is a good thing; and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.