If you must be indiscrete, be discrete in your indiscretion.

Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

You thunder and lightning too much; the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.

This morning arrives a letter from my ancient silver-mining comrade, Calvin H. Higbie, a man whom I have not seen nor had communication with for forty-four years. . . . [Footnote: Roughing It is dedicated to Higbie.] . . . I shall allow myself the privilege of copying his punctuation and his spelling, for to me they are a part of the man. He is as honest as the day is long. He is utterly simple-minded and straightforward, and his spelling and his punctuation are as simple and honest as he is himself. He makes no apology for them, and no apology is needed.

When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.