Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.

The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get a set which can really be depended on 'till a dentist makes him one.

No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.

Don't look at the world with your hands in your pockets. To write about it you have to reach out and touch it.

War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has not been in the moon is likely to be dull.

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

I like criticism, but it must be my way.