The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.

There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species.

You cant reach old age by another man's road, my habits protect my life but they would assassinate you

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

The timid man yearns for full value and demands a tenth. The bold man strikes for double value and compromises on par.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.