If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.

Never do wrong when people are looking.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

Wherefore, I beseech you let the dog and the onions and these people of the strange and godless names work out their several salvations from their piteous and wonderful difficulties without help of mine, for indeed their trouble is sufficient as it is, whereas an I tried to help I should but damage their cause the more and yet mayhap not live myself to see the desolation wrought.

Tight pants are just uncomfortable.

Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.

Music is a good thing; and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.