All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it.

Good fathers not only tell us how to live, they show us.

The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.

By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.

When a library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.

Truth is such a precious article - let us all economize in its use.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.