Good fathers not only tell us how to live, they show us.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog.

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

Concentration of power in a political machine is bad; and an Established Church is only a political machine; it was invented for that; it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that; it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition.

A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.

I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.