The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

Life is short. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly and love truly.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.

If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.