The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.

If I had been helping the Almighty when he created man, I would have had him begin at the other end, and start human beings with old age. How much better to start old and have all the bitterness and blindness of age in the beginning!

We do not get ice-cream every where, and so, when we do, we are apt to dissipate to excess.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.

No man has an appreciation so various that his judgment is good upon all varieties of literary work.

War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has not been in the moon is likely to be dull.

It's so damned humiliating.