I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.

Old habits cannot be thrown out the upstairs window. They have to be coaxed downstairs one step at a time.

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.

Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

The Bible is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies. This Bible is built mainly out of fragments of older Bibles that had their day and crumbled to ruin. So it noticeably lacks in originality, necessarily. Its three or four most imposing and impressive events all happened in earlier Bibles; there are only two new things in it: hell, for one, and that singular heaven I have told you about.