I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.

To stand still is to fall behind.

If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.

Custom is, to think a handsome thing in private but tame it down in the utterance.

How charmed I am when I overhear a German word which I understand!