If there is a God, he is a malign thug.

Figures don't lie, but liars figure.

The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be?--it is the same the angels breathe.

When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

Being rich ain't what it's cracked up to be. It's just worry and worry, and sweat and sweat, and a-wishing you was dead all the time.

I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't...The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further.