I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.

Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.

Man can seldom - very, very, seldom - fight a winning fight against his training; the odds are too heavy.

I am trying to get the hang of this new fangled writing machine, but I am not making a shining success of it. However, this is the first attempt I have ever made & yet I perceive I shall soon & easily acquire a fine facility in its use. ... The machine has several virtues. I believe it will print faster than I can write. One may lean back in his chair & work it. It piles an awful stack of words on one page. It don't muss things or scatter ink blots around. Of course it saves paper.

I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.

We adore titles and heredities in our hearts and ridicule them with our mouths. This is our democratic privilege.

I have seen an entire family lifted out of poverty and into affluence by the simple boon of a broken leg. I have had people come to me on crutches, with tears in their eyes, to bless this beneficient institution. In all my experiences of life, I have seen nothing so seraphic as the look that comes into a freshly mutilated man's face when he feels in his vest pocket with his remaining hand and finds his accident ticket all right.