Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.

No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances.

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.

The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.

God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

God made all the animals in a single day; he could have swept them all away in the flood and re-created them in one day when they were again needed. Therefore it was an odd idea to save specimens of them for eleven months in the ark, whilst aware that eight persons could not feed or water them by any human possibility. If they were to be preserved by miracle, the ark was not necessary - to let them swim would have answered the purpose and been more indubitably miraculous.

Whatever a man's age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his button-hole.